Premarital Counseling: What to Expect

Premarital Counseling

Do you have questions about premarital counseling? Are you or someone you love looking for a therapist to help get started off on the right foot? Health Research Fund estimates that couples who underwent premarital counseling before their wedding had a 30% higher marital satisfaction rate to those who did not attend counseling before their wedding. And if a couple goes to counseling for 6-8 sessions somewhere around 4-6 months before their wedding day, they may only be looking at 1-5% of their total wedding budget. Premarital counseling is a GREAT investment that is statistically supported to improve the quality and longevity of your marriage.

Licensed Marriage and family therapist of San Diego, Lindsay Wilson, says this:

“I always tell my couples that I have no business giving them the stamp of approval to get married or not. I want them to bring their whole selves into the therapy room without fear that I will tell them something definitive about the success of their marriage. I tell them: therapy is the place to bring your ‘dirty laundry’, don’t bring the already put-together parts of your relationship, bring the stuff that needs to be cleaned out and worked through.”

3 Common Questions

So, here are three quick questions that you may be asking about Christian premarital counseling:

1. What will we talk about?

Hopefully! Learning to “fight fair” is a great use of your premarital counseling time. Conflict is not only inevitable, it is healthy and can be very helpful. In therapy, you will learn to see from the perspective of your soon-to-be spouse; you will learn how to connect more deeply and intentionally, and how to have conflict in a way that grows you as individuals and as a couple. It is possible to have “productive” disagreements that will ultimately edify and benefit you and those around you. Going into these sessions with the expectation that conflict will arise and choosing to remain open (verses defensive) will create meaningful learning and development in your relationship.

2. Will we fight?

Kick this nasty habit. It has become second nature for us to lie to ourselves in order to justify actions that bring destruction into our lives! You were created for more than that. Tackling the barriers that get in our way is the first place to start. There are obstacles that can be destroyed with faith as small as a seed (Matthew 17:20)! Removing justifications is a way of saying, “God, I trust you… I have faith that you can guide me to escape the temptation that I face and help me to choose holiness in this moment.” Holiness is a byproduct of integrity and consistent character.

3. Are there any recommended books for engaged couples?

Books can be a great resource and avenue for addressing current and potential challenges. There are five that we love here at Cornerstone and recommend to our premarital couples (but are actually very helpful for marriage enrichment as well).

Hold Me Tight – Sue Johnson
The Meaning of Marriage – Timothy Keller
Love and War – John and Stasi Eldredge
The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work – John Gottman
5 Love Languages – Gary Chapman

Premarital counseling helps begin dialogue about common topics that are important for a successful marriage and builds a solid, biblical foundation. We desire for your marriage to be more beautiful than your wedding day! Give us a call at 720-594-4469 or email us at info@christiancounselingco.com to set up an appointment.