Oneness in marriage–it sounds like a beautiful thing, doesn’t it? Of course, it does!  The merging of two lives into one, the fusing of two lives into a unique new creation seems to be the purpose and power of marriage.  But how exactly do two become one?  Unfortunately, oneness doesn’t occur immediately after exchanging rings. Rather, becoming one is a process that begins before you say “I do” and extends throughout your married lives together. Oneness neither occurs spontaneously nor instantaneously.  Instead, oneness in marriage is achieved with great intentionality over the course of time.   

Christian Premarital counseling provides the intentional space to jump-start this journey of two becoming one. Couples in premarital counseling can discover what it takes to build oneness, learn unvoiced rhythms, patterns, hopes, ambitions, and expectations of their spouses, and thus learn more about themselves and how they will function as a couple.  

Statistics Show Premarital Counseling Matters 

Premarital counseling plays an essential role in fostering oneness within couples. Studies (like this one) show that premarital counseling is “associated with higher levels of marital satisfaction, lower levels of destructive conflicts, and higher levels of commitment.” 

 Here are some additional facts that illustrate the importance of premarital counseling:

Practical Ways to use Premarital Counseling to Build Oneness in Marriage

There are three practical ways that premarital counseling jumpstarts your journey into oneness:

1. Premarital counseling helps you prepare for marriage. Proverbs 24:27 says “prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house.”  Who builds a house without first preparing to build it? Without first taking inventory of your materials, measuring before cutting, and ensuring that your specs meet code? Preparing for marriage helps you both begin to understand each other, learn to communicate, and build a strong foundation that will help your marriage stay healthy.  

2. Premarital counseling helps you dig deep. Architects will tell you, the taller and stronger the building, the deeper the digging. Good premarital counseling encourages you to dig deep and address the hidden things many couples fail to talk about. Sometimes we neglect the work of moving beyond the superficial because let’s face it, it doesn’t require much work to remain on the surface.  But if you want to build a marriage worth building, that is long-lasting and inspiring, it will require that you dig deep. Premarital counseling helps you go beyond the superficial to ask the tough questions and unearth the greater truths of oneness.  There cannot be elevation without first excavation.

3. Premarital counseling provides you with tools. These tools help you create and sustain your oneness in marriage.  If you only possess a hammer in your toolbox, all of your work, your potential, your creation will be limited.  Sometimes a hammer is the tool for the job, but sometimes a ratchet or pliers or a measuring tape are the tools that you need.  But without the right tools, it is difficult (or impossible) to build anything of significance.  Premarital counseling helps you to identify both what is and what isn’t in your marital toolbox, what tools you favor, and how to use the tools you want and trade in the ones that no longer work for you and your spouse.  

Becoming one with your spouse is not a drive-thru, fast food, or microwaveable meal experience in which your marriage is “made to order in 3 minutes or less.”  Instead, establishing oneness in marriage is more like a crockpot experience–a marriage that takes the unique and distinct ingredients of your lives, the seasoned and unseasoned experiences, of your lives and places them into one pot, turns on the heat. , and with time and great intention, the flavors of all those disparate and divergent ingredients begin to fuse together to create a new, richly flavored, satisfying, and fulfilling delight.

The journeying of two becoming one takes time and work.  And I’ll admit, HARD WORK.  But the work is well worth the joy and satisfaction, the fulfillment of a nourishing love that lovers get to feast off of their entire marriage.

Brad Fabling Christian Counselor

Author: Taihesia Lane

Taihesia is one of our talented counselors who loves working with couples in Christian premarital counseling and Christian couples counseling.

If you’re interested in counseling with Taihesia or another one of our other amazing counselors, click here to view our line-up.