Staying Engaged

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“And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy” Hosea 2:19

“He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began” -Leo Tolstoy

I can’t shake this idea of “engagement” going beyond the wedding day. It may just be semantics, but there is a story that is bigger than our marriages going on, and we cannot afford to miss it. Traditionally, a man asks a woman for her hand in marriage and they go from a casual dating relationship to a more intentional engagement period where they begin preparations for the wedding and commit to demonstrate their faithfulness to each other through their words and actions. “Engaged” shouldn’t just be an event that ends when the marriage ceremony is over. I love these lyrics from Andrew Peterson- “Well, ‘I do’ are the two most famous last words- the beginning of the end. But to lose your life for another, I’ve heard, is a good place to begin.”

Maybe you are currently engaged, or you can remember the time that you were engaged to your fiancée (or fiancé). This can be an exciting time full of anticipation, dreaming, preparations, fun, and parties; we get swept up in the novelty and joy of it all! But, this should also be a time of intentionality, realistic conversation, counseling, planning, healing, and expectation-setting. There is a balance that is important because when idealistic dreams collide with reality, choices need to be made to “stay engaged.” We learn to keep dating our spouse, try new things, continue to improve communication, have sex, travel, invest in marriage enrichment activities, learn to have healthy conflict, and show interest in each other’s daily lives. We choose to actively pursue relationship with our spouse so that we do not grow distant, bored, cold, complacent, and uninterested. 

As Christians, we are commanded to love God and to love people (Matt 22:39, Mark 12:30-31, Luke 10:27). We are to “be engaged” in this life. Our city, particularly, seems to be one that is afflicted with intense apathy; this word means: passive, lacking enthusiasm and concern, unresponsiveness, lethargic. Apathy comes from the Greek word “apatheia” meaning “without feeling.” If we decided to be apathetic in our marriages, we lose connection with one another, and the marriage ends up failing… the contract is broken… the promise becomes null and void. “Apathy is the glove into which evil slips its hand.”- Bodie Thoene

The goal of this life is to love God and love people in an “engaging” way; we take responsibility of the choice to love. This means that we balance intentionality, healing, and planning with fun, anticipation, and joy- just like the period of time leading up to a wedding. There are so many people on this planet that don’t understand that they have been offered an “engagement ring” and chosen by the creator of the Universe to join him in the most satisfying and pleasing relationship available. We must actively seek to demonstrate God’s love to others so that they will choose to love Him back and “say yes.”

“In any relationship, there will be frightening spells in which your feelings of love dry up. And when that happens you must remember that the essence of marriage is that it is a covenant, a commitment, a promise of future love. So what do you do? You do the acts of love, despite your lack of feeling. You may not feel tender, sympathetic, and eager to please, but in your actions you must BE tender, understanding, forgiving and helpful. And, if you do that, as time goes on you will not only get through the dry spells, but they will become less frequent and deep, and you will become more constant in your feelings. This is what can happen if you decide to love.” -Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage

The Bigger Story:

Scripture uses some words in various versions that we may consider to be “out of date” and can easily glance over- but I want to spend a few minutes talking about this word “betroth” and why it is important to understand.

Unlike modern day engagement, betrothal always ends in marriage. Betrothal (called “erusin” in Jewish culture) is a period of time in which there is a promise or agreement to marry.

Betrothal- from Middle English betreuthe which is a combination of two words: “be” and “truth.” Jesus demonstrates his commitment and promise to us:

Jesus says in John 14:6 “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

Origin of “betrothal”- from the archaic word “espousal”. This is the Old French word espousaille which originates from the Latin sponsalia meaning “betrothal.”

Espousal has two meanings: “a marriage or engagement”; and “the act of adopting.” It is through wedded union that we are adopted into an eternal family:

Ephesians 1:5 says, “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”

Today, in Jewish culture, betrothal (“erusin”) occurs when the groom gives the bride a ring or other object of value with the intent of creating a marriage. During this stage- the bride lived apart from the groom until the actual marriage ceremony. The ceremony itself would take place in a room or tent that the groom had set up for her; he “prepared a place for her”.

Groom- The Lord

“For your Maker is your husband– the Lord Almighty is his name– the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth” Isaiah 54:5

Bride- You and I/the Church

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” Ephesians 5:25

Engagement Ring- Sacrifice on the cross

“For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom (payment) for all people” 1 Timothy 2:5-6a

Two become One: Unity with Christ

“But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him” 1 Cor 6:17

“Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” Matt 19:6

Marriage Ceremony- Eternity in Heaven

“I go to prepare a place for you. “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also” John 14:3

Prayer:

Father, I thank you for your sacrifice that not only cost you the most valuable thing Heaven had to offer, but also demonstrated you commitment and promise to me. God, you are so good at keeping your promises and loving me well. Today, I choose to re-engage with you and to show you love by loving the people you have placed around me. I want to be refreshing and engaging in the life that I have left here on this Earth. Help me to do that! Thank you for preparing a place for me and everyone around me; it is going to be more amazing than I can even imagine. I want everyone to join us there, Jesus! I commit, today, to seeing myself as the radiant Bride that you call me and acting in a way that shows you honor and respect in my words and actions. I want to represent our family well and to partner with you in the adoption process of bringing more and more people into eternity. I love you and worship you with my life! In Jesus’ name- Amen!

For more information or to schedule a counseling appointment today:

Call us at 303-902-3068
or fill out the form below.

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what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog