Is Pornography Bad for You?

This is the third blog in a three-part blog series on sex and intimacy.  If you missed part one or two of this series, you can go back and check those out HERE and HERE. 

“…being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” -Phil 1:6 (NIV)

22% of young adults aged 18 to 24 consider porn to be good for society. 8% of that age group actually think it is “very good for society.” Nobody over age 50 thought so. The 18 to 24-year-old group is more likely than any other age group actively to seek out porn (57% at least monthly). Meanwhile, over 70% of those over 50 say the “never” actively seek out porn (Covenant Eyes). 

So, is porn bad for you? Attitudes on pornography use vary drastically across the nation and the world, but here at Cornerstone, we think the answer is a resounding “yes.” Here’s why!

“Many men feel a deep sense of shame as a result of viewing and sexually acting out to pornography. Shame can be internal disappointment with ourselves or can be placed on us by a wider community. It is an attempt to cover up a sense of unworthiness or agonizing vulnerability. It involves exposure and judgment, with resulting feelings of insufficiency, defectiveness, inadequacy or unworthiness. At the core of shame is the belief that the individual is not worthy of love,” (from Wired for Intimacy by William Struthers). 

“It is not the shouting of pornography that gives it so much power over men. It is the whispering of the lie of sexual fulfillment that prey on our human insecurities. When men believe those lies, they develop psychological and behavioral habits that prevent relational fulfillment. Pornography shapes and rewires us in such a way that we become unable to see women as we should. We no longer direct our sexual drives in appropriate ways. Porn narrows our ability to live a good and holy life,” (from Wired for Intimacy by William Struthers). 

At its core, pornography is an escape. Many men and women use it to avoid pain, sorrow, grief, insecurity, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, you name it. However, the reality is that it does not get rid of these issues or feelings, but in fact, it perpetuates them.

Pornography indirectly emphasizes the lie that “You’re not good enough” and overtime this message becomes internalized and its result is shame. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt tells us that something we did went against our moral code, but shame is rooted much deeper and it emphasizes the message there is something wrong with me.

Shame has the power to overtake an individual and distance them from what is good. Our romantic relationships begin to suffer. Overt (or covert) depression becomes a familiar friend. God and His promises of love, hope, and eternal life begin to feel like a fairy tale. I think you’re beginning to get the picture.  

Next comes the internal separation between mind, body, and soul. For many, pornography use began in adolescence and the innocent curiosity of seeing the naked body now serves as a way for coping with past and present issues. After years of pornography use, a person’s feelings have become sexualized, random pornographic images begin to flood the mind’s eye, and a person starts to feel like a shell of who they once were.

Lastly, the user’s greatest fear is of being exposed. The thought of being found out (by spouse, kids, parents, members of your congregation, etc) promotes hiding behaviors and defensiveness. The need to hide the pornography use occurs because they are afraid that if they were found out they would be rejected by the ones they love the most. If rejected, their belief that something is wrong with me is confirmed.

The reality is that 40 million people across the U.S. visit pornography sites on a regular basis. 47% of Christians admit that pornography use is a major problem in their household. Pornography is glorified by our culture and media. Images of half-naked individuals flood the television and computer through the forms of ads, shows, and commercials.

But there is hope!

Written by Devin Pierce, MA, LPC, NCC 

 

 

For more information or to schedule a counseling appointment today:

Call us at 303-902-3068
or fill out the form below.

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what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog