5 Keys to Unlocking Consistent Character

4-Tips-for-Unlocking-Consistent-Character-from-a-Christian-Counslor-in-Colorado

Unlocking Consistent Character

“Integrity is doing the right thing, even when no one is watching.” C.S. Lewis

How do we unlock consistent character? This subject has been weighing heavily on my heart the past month or so. Before I begin, I have to make a disclaimer: I am not even close to perfect. I am continually trying to identify places in my life where I can demonstrate a greater level of consistency and integrity.

I feel unqualified to even write about this at the risk of being a hypocrite, but you know what? God has qualified me, and He has qualified you to demonstrate consistent character and to pursue a life of integrity!

This is not a sermon about being saved by works, it is a message of hope for us to be able to reap the benefits of heaven. I forget who quoted this, but I love it… “We are not to live towards freedom, but rather to realize that we have already been given this gift, and to live from it.” We can live from a place of freedom instead of working so hard to achieve it.

Hustling for freedom only brings frustration and, ironically, restriction and captivity. We have already been liberated and freed (Galations 5:1)! If we can lean in to the freedom we already have, work on developing our character, and eradicate inconsistency in our lives, we open up more room for God to use us in influential ways. While we are still here on Earth, even though we are “broken vessels” (2 Cor 4:7), we will continue to be used by God to demonstrate His power, because that’s the way He designed it.

How do we unlock consistent character? Well, here are five practical steps that I am seeking to practice in my life, maybe they will be helpful for you as well:

1. Identify aspects of your behavior that require change.

In Psalms 134:23-24, David is on his knees crying out, “Search me God” and says, “Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.” David is willingly asking God to show him areas of his life that need polishing. Do we do this enough?

God knows us intimately, therefore we shouldn’t be afraid of being transparent with Him. He desires for us to be whole and healed! You have to decide what you must change in your behavior to align your life more closely to what you believe. Be brutally honest with God and with yourself. 2 Corinthians 7:1 says, “Let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit…” Why wouldn’t we want that?

2. Stop making excuses or justifying your lack of change.

Kick this nasty habit. It has become second nature for us to lie to ourselves in order to justify actions that bring destruction into our lives! You were created for more than that. Tackling the barriers that get in our way is the first place to start. There are obstacles that can be destroyed with faith as small as a seed (Matthew 17:20)! Removing justifications is a way of saying, “God, I trust you… I have faith that you can guide me to escape the temptation that I face and help me to choose holiness in this moment.” Holiness is a byproduct of integrity and consistent character.

3. Judge less, love more

“‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-39).

Did you catch that? “equally important.” Jesus is saying that we have got to learn to love His people if we ever want to experience the fullness and peace that God has for us! Here is a challenging example: “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen” (1 John 4:20).

We are all guilty of this- we make fun of those who are different, share videos on social media of people hurting or humiliating themselves, we laugh at the cashier at the grocery store who tries to make light conversation because of how “awkward” they are. Guys, it is a hard sell to say we love God while we fail to love His kids. Would you ever tell a friend who is a parent that you really love them, but that you despise their child? 

4. Take your thoughts captive

The fourth key to unlocking consistent character is, I think, the most crucial! Straight out of 2 Corinthians 10:5, “We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ…” Honestly, this is one of my favorite and least favorite scriptures. It can be exhausting, initially, to pay attention to every single thought that comes into our minds. But, much like learning a language,it takes a lot of time and effort at first, and then it becomes internalized and habitual! We need to work to be conscious every day of the decisions we make, however big or small, and how close they bring us to being the person we really want to become. And hopefully, we want to become like Jesus- because that’s what we are instructed to do (1 Cor 11:1). Capturing our thoughts and taking responsibility over what we do with them is the key that will get you out of any tempting situation that arises.

5. Be persistent

Don’t give up trying. It would be easy for me to stop trying to pursue righteousness, holiness, integrity, or consistency because I screw up sometimes. It is possible that I might think, “Well, I have already __(insert negative behavior)__, so I might as well just keep doing it…this is just who I am.”

Don’t allow your mind to believe this statement for even one minute. It doesn’t matter if you make a big mistake, or struggle with worry, anger, fear, distraction… whatever your “screw up” is, it is not worth getting off the road of integrity. God wants to use your persistence to teach others!

5. Be persistent

  1. Ask God to “search you” and show you areas of your life that you want to allow life and change to come into. What comes up? Write them down.
  2. List all of your excuses for giving into temptation or preventing change and then cross them out!
  3. How can you fight the urge this week to mock or tease someone who is different from you? Challenge yourself to pray for your “enemy” today.
  4. Pick an environment and specific amount of time to pay attention to all of your thoughts (i.e. in the car for 30 minutes). Describe that experience; what did you notice?
  5. Find someone to hold you accountable or to encourage you when you feel like giving in to negative behavior, or giving up. List a few people who might fill this role in your life.

Proverbs 2:20-21 – So you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous. For the upright will inhabit the land, and those with integrity will remain in it 

Proverbs 2:20-21 – So you will walk in the way of the good and keep to the paths of the righteous. For the upright will inhabit the land, and those with integrity will remain in it 

Start Growing in Consistent Character Today

Developing integrity and Christlike character is easier with guidance. Connect with a Christian counselor online or in person and take your next step toward consistent, intentional living. Request an appointment or browse our team of counselors to start your healing journey today.

For more information or to schedule a counseling appointment today:

Call us at 303-902-3068
or fill out the form below.

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what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog

what to expect

We’re here to help you heal, grow and thrive through Christian counseling.

We understand – the thought of coming to counseling can be intimidating.

Trust us when we say there’s nothing to be afraid of! We’re normal people just like you who have a desire to help you live your life to the fullest.

To help ease any discomfort you may have at the thought of counseling with us, we’d like to let you know how to prepare for counseling and what to expect.

First, we should tell you what therapy is…

  • Therapy is about helping you reach a goal or goals; it’s about getting you to a place where you feel comfortable and satisfied with the way life is humming on around you and within you.
  • Therapy is about working with your therapist to achieve the outcome you’re hoping for. A good therapist is like a coach, teacher, consultant, and referee all wrapped into one. They’ll listen to you and understand you without judging you. They’ll help you see more clearly how you got to where you are and how to get to where you want to go. They’ll give you the confidence to talk about things with others (spouse, family member, friend, co-worker, etc) that you may have been too uncomfortable to bring up on your own.
  • Ultimately, therapy equips you to work through any obstacle that lies between where you are now and where you really want to be.

…and what therapy is not

  • Therapy isn’t always a quick, painless fix.  Sometimes things get worse before they get better.  But if you stick with it and do the hard work of walking through this challenging season with your therapist, things will get better!
  • Therapy isn’t about your therapist doing the work for you.  However good a therapist may be, he/she cannot make you reach your goal(s). They can’t fix your problem(s) for you. You will still have to work at it. What a good therapist will do for you is give you the means and the guidance to help you reach your goal(s), and will walk alongside you until you get there.

Have some questions, or need more info? Click here.

Frequently Asked Questions

On how to prepare for counseling

What will my first session be like?

Your first session is a chance for you to make sure you and your counselor are a great fit! They might ask you about what’s brought you in, if you have questions, and some history. Your counselor may take notes as you talk, to help you as you create a therapy plan together to reach your goals. (You’re not being graded or judged!)

The first session builds the foundation for future growth and healing, and you’ll probably spend a good amount of time talking about your background and the history of what’s bringing you in. You might feel strong emotions, cry, or feel overwhelmed at times, but your counselor is there to help you feel safe, comfortable, and supported.

The therapeutic process can feel slow when you first start. You may feel like the first few sessions haven’t done much, but they are building up to the deeper work! It’s important to remember one session won’t “fix” everything. It can take a few sessions to dig deep before you get to the powerful work of healing.

On the other hand, as you dive into sharing deep hurts, you may notice yourself feeling more vulnerable, raw, or emotional after your first few sessions. This is totally normal! Your therapist can help you identify these deeper emotions and causes, and help you care for yourself as you open yourself up to the process of healing.

The beautiful thing about counseling is that it’s for you. There’s no perfect formula for when you’ll “feel better,” (though sometimes we wish there was!).

As you address important issues, implement the tools and strategies you talk about in counseling, and work through specific things, you may start noticing small changes before big ones.

Give yourself time to get comfortable, feel safe with your therapist, and share your hurts and sorrows. Healing takes time, and there is no pressure or deadline to get there! You’ll start noticing the positive changes in your life at exactly the pace that is right for you.

By blending what fits you both practically and personally!

Practically, what location do you live closest to? Are you looking for someone in person or online? Do you have a price range in mind? Do you need a counselor with specific skills?

Personally, are you more comfortable with a counselor that is soft-spoken and gently encouraging? Do you prefer someone strong who can challenge you to grow? Do you enjoy diving deep into emotions? Or do you prefer concrete strategies and tools?

You can find all this information and more on each counselor’s bio page!

Not sure where to start? Contact our admin team and they can help match you with the right counselor for you!

No worries! We want to make sure that you find the absolute best counselor for you. If you meet with a counselor at Cornerstone and feel like they’re not quite right, or you want someone with more experience or training in a specific area, we offer one free transfer session to a new counselor on our team.

Just reach out to our office and we can set that up for you!

Definitely limit distractions! Wear something comfortable, since you may be sitting or moving around. The last thing you need is that itchy tag stealing your attention every few minutes. Turn notifications off on your phone, watch, and other devices.

If you’re doing online counseling, make sure you’re in a quiet, confidential spot. If you’re coming into the office, come a few minutes early to scope out the location, find the office, and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea in our waiting room.

And of course, make sure you complete your paperwork ahead of time! This not only helps your therapist jump right in, it can help you think through your goals and desires for healing, which helps you make the most of your time together.

To learn more, read our article How to Prepare for Your First Christian Counseling Session.

Therapy length varies based on your needs, goals, and the complexity of your concerns. Some people see progress in a few sessions, while others benefit from a longer course of treatment for deeper or ongoing issues.

Your counselor will work with you to recommend a personalized plan that supports lasting healing and growth. We’ve also created a simple roadmap to help you understand the five phases of therapy: connection, planning, change, review, and celebration.

Get to know us! Follow Cornerstone on Social Media

Facebook X-twitter Instagram Pinterest Linkedin
Schedule An Appointment

The Latest from the Blog