The Gottman Institute (2013)



This guidebook is for “processing” past fights, regrettable incidents, or past emotional injuries. “Processing” means that you can talk about the incident without getting back into it again. It needs to be a conversation – as if you were both sitting in the balcony of a theatre looking down on the stage where the action occurred. This requires calmand some emotional distance from the incident 

Before You Begin:

Keep in mind that the GOAL is greater understanding – addressing the process and how the issue was talked about, without getting back into the fight. So, wait until you are both calm.

We assume that each of your realities has validity. Perception is everything. Don’t focus on “the facts.” The belief here is that there is no absolute “reality” in a disagreement but rather there are two “subjective realities”. This guidebook is designed to help you get at these two realities and to ease similar situations in the future.

Click here to download the workbook PDF.