There’s a unique peace that settles over us when we’re living in harmony with our deepest values and aspirations. It’s that satisfying sense of alignment when our thoughts, feelings, and actions all point in the same direction — when we are who we want to be and, from a spiritual perspective, who God wants us to be. In these moments, everything feels integrated, authentic, and right.
But we all know the flip side of this experience. Those times when we’re scared in situations where we long to be brave, confused when we desperately want understanding, or when we lose our temper despite wanting to respond with patience. Perhaps we eat more than we intended, fail to show the kindness we value, or find ourselves acting in ways that contradict our core beliefs. In these moments of incongruence, we feel out of alignment — ashamed, like imposters, even hypocritical.
Why We All Struggle to Live Authentically
This tension between our ideals and our reality is deeply human and well-documented throughout history. The apostle Paul captured it perfectly in Romans 7:15-19: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do… For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” These words, written nearly two thousand years ago, still resonate because they describe something universally true about the human condition.
Scripture doesn’t minimize this struggle — it acknowledges it while pointing toward hope. Psalm 51:10 offers a prayer for restoration: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” Jesus spoke to authentic living in Matthew 5:37, encouraging us to let our “Yes” be “Yes” and our “No” be “No” — suggesting that integrity between our inner convictions and outward expressions brings peace. Paul later wrote about “living a life worthy of the calling you have received” (Ephesians 4:1), implying that congruence between our identity and behavior leads to fulfillment.
When Science Confirms What Scripture Teaches
Carl Jung observed that psychological distress often stems from the gap between who we are and who we think we should be. Viktor Frankl suggested that psychological health comes not from the absence of tension, but from the constructive tension between what we are and what we ought to become — what he called “the will to meaning.”
Essentially, modern psychology confirms what ancient wisdom has long understood. Self-determination theory, developed by psychologists Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, demonstrates that psychological well-being increases when our actions align with our authentic values and intrinsic motivations rather than external pressures.
Research on “authentic living” consistently shows that people who act in accordance with their values report higher life satisfaction, lower anxiety, and greater resilience. Psychologist Alex Wood’s studies found that authenticity — living in accordance with one’s true self — strongly predicts psychological well-being.
Finding Peace by Aligning Your Life with God’s Design
This peace that comes from values-behavior alignment reflects what researchers call “eudaimonic well-being” — flourishing that comes from living according to our deepest values rather than just pursuing pleasure or avoiding discomfort. It’s the satisfaction that emerges when our external lives match our internal compass.
When you find yourself repeatedly struggling with incongruence between your values and actions, consider making David’s prayer your own:
Written by Sean Taylor, LMFT, Cornerstone Founder, and CEO
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