It was a simple date night, a rhythm my husband and I protect as sacred. If you’ve ever sat across from me in a couples or marriage counseling session, you know that date night is not optional. It’s a practice of intention and presence, the bedrock of connection.
I was leaning toward pizza. A new place had just opened nearby offering wood-fired pizzas adorned with arugula (yes, apparently that’s a thing). We were on our way there when we passed our local modest, unassuming Asian restaurant — the kind whose appearance makes no promises but whose pad thai is unmatched. Suddenly, my preference shifted. Now I was craving Thai cuisine.
Without hesitation, my husband made a U-turn. But before we made it through the front door, we noticed a brand-new Indian restaurant right next door. And wouldn’t you know — it happened again. I began to wonder if Indian food might be the better choice after all. With grace and a bit of laughter, we flipped a coin. Pad thai won.
The Instability of Emotions
It’s humorous, even a little absurd. But that moment of indecision mirrors a deeper truth: our feelings are incredibly fluid. One moment they pull us in one direction, and the next, we’re turning completely around. While such emotional fluctuations may be harmless over dinner plans, they can be disorienting, if not destructive, when applied to matters of faith, identity, relationship, calling, or obedience.
When Feelings are Real but not Reliable
As a therapist and a follower of Christ, I hold space for emotions daily — their beauty, complexity, and validity. But over the years, I’ve come to understand a critical distinction: feelings may be real, but they’re not always true. They must be honored, but they must also be examined.
What Scripture Says About the Heart
Scripture affirms this. “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Our emotional instincts, while powerful, are not always reliable. They are shaped by trauma, desire, fear, fatigue, and context. And if left unchecked, they can easily become the engine of our decisions, rather than the caboose.
When Emotions Distort the Truth
Many of us have whispered things in the quiet of our souls, such as: “God feels distant,” “He must not be listening,” or “He doesn’t care.” These are deeply human sentiments — and I have felt them too. But God’s nearness is not contingent on our feelings or emotional awareness of it. He is constant, unchanging, and faithful, whether we feel His presence or not.
Let Scripture Speak to Your Emotions
In such moments, it is Scripture, not sentiment, that anchors us. We are not left to drift amid emotional waves. God has given us His truth through the Bible to speak directly to our feelings:
When you feel overwhelmed or anxious,
let Truth speak peace to your storm.
- “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything… present your requests to God. And the peace of God… will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6–7)
- “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)
When you feel uncertain or confused,
let Truth anchor you.
- “God is not a God of confusion but of peace.” (1 Corinthians 14:33)
- “Trusting in our own mind is foolishness; walking in wisdom brings deliverance.” (Proverbs 28:26)
When you feel spiritually stirred or emotionally moved,
let Truth help you discern what is from God.
- “Trust in the Lord, not your understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5–6)
- “When my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the rock that is higher than I.” (Psalm 61:2)
When you feel rejected or abandoned,
let Truth remind you that you are never alone and always chosen.
- “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)
- “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5)
When you feel shame,
let Truth clothe you in grace, not condemnation.
- “Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.” (Psalm 34:5)
- “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” (Romans 8:1)
Distinguishing Feelings, Discernment, and the Holy Spirit
Still, even with this foundation, confusion arises. Particularly when we try to interpret whether what we’re experiencing is simply a feeling, a moment of discernment, or the prompting of the Holy Spirit. These are not interchangeable. Learning to distinguish them is a mark of spiritual maturity and emotional integrity.
Here’s how I help clients (and myself) tell the difference:
1️. What are Feelings?- Emotional responses to what’s happening around us or inside us
- Reactive, often unreliable, yet still meaningful
- Examples: “I feel like I’m failing.” “I feel anxious about saying no.”
- Take action: Name them. Listen to them. But don’t let them take the driver’s seat.
2️. What is Discernment?
- Prayerful, reflective wisdom about what is true, wise, or good
- Often slow. Often quiet. Usually brings clarity, not confusion.
- Ask yourself: Does this align with God’s Word? Have I slowed down? What does wise counsel say?
3️. What is the Prompting of the Holy Spirit?
- A nudge from the Spirit toward obedience, healing, truth, or love
- May challenge comfort but confirms peace
- Never condemns; always aligns with Scripture
- Examples: “I know I need to forgive.” “This is scary, but it’s the right step.”
Clarifying Questions:
- Is this consistent with truth — or just loud?
- Am I reacting emotionally — or responding wisely?
- Is this about avoiding pain — or walking in obedience?
- Is there peace — even if it’s hard?
When Anxiety Overpowers Clarity
And then, there is anxiety. Anxiety doesn’t whisper; it shouts. It hijacks our nervous system, clouds our discernment, and convinces us that urgency equals importance. But anxiety is not the voice of God.
Anxiety demands control. The Spirit invites surrender. Here’s how I coach my clients:
Even when we know our feelings aren’t always reliable, they still feel powerful — especially anxiety. It’s one thing to recognize that feelings don’t always reflect truth, but what do we do with them when they flood our mind and body?
Here’s a gentle reminder: managing anxiety isn’t about ignoring it or pretending it’s not there. It’s about noticing it, naming it, and grounding yourself in truth while it passes.
5 Grounding Practices for Anxiety
Try this process:
- Pause and Name It
Naming it creates space between you and the emotion. “This is anxiety I’m feeling. It’s not the Holy Spirit. It’s not truth. It’s just anxiety.”
- Ground in Truth
Speak what you know: “God is not anxious. He is present with me. I’m not alone. My emotions don’t define reality.”
- Engage Your Body
Anxiety often lives in the body. Try:- Taking 3 deep belly breaths
- Placing your feet flat on the ground and noticing 3 things you can see, hear, and feel
- A short walk or gentle movement
- Ask God to Reveal
Sometimes anxiety is guarding an old wound. The Spirit can use that awareness for healing: “Lord, is this emotion trying to protect me? What truth do You want to speak to this fear? Is this fear protecting something You want to heal?’
- Align Action with the Truth, Not Emotion
Anxiety often says, “Freeze. Avoid. Control.” But the Spirit says, “Peace. Trust. Move forward.” Even if it’s one small, brave step, we take it, not led by panic, but by peace.
Conclusion: A Call to Anchored Living
Your feelings are not enemies to be feared, nor are they always allies to be trusted. They are part of your design — powerful, intuitive, deeply human. But they are not infallible. They are not your compass.
Discernment requires time, wisdom, and surrender. It is not reactive, but reflective. It asks hard questions and invites God into the quiet places. And the prompting of the Holy Spirit, while sometimes subtle, will always bear the marks of His character: peace, humility, courage, obedience, and love.
So when emotion surges, when anxiety clouds your thinking, or when conviction arises — pause. Consider. Then ask yourself: Is this a feeling? Is this discernment? Or is this the voice of the Spirit leading me toward deeper trust?
Anchor your life not in what feels urgent, but in what is eternally true. Let the truth of God’s Word form your foundation. Let the Spirit guide your steps. And let discernment — tested and refined — become the path you walk.
Let your feelings be felt. Let discernment lead the process. Let the Holy Spirit guide your steps. But above all, let truth be the voice you follow.
So, after a very satisfying dive into a deep dish of pad thai, I cracked open my fortune cookie. “A full heart isn’t always a clear guide. Wait for the still voice, not the loud craving.” Coincidence?
Written by Jo Martin, MA, CMHC, LPCS, NBCC, Principal Business Consultant
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